Salvation Confusion

I have so enjoyed reading the posts you all have humbly put out for us. What a gift to be able to share Christ and what He has done in each of our lives. He truly is an awesome God! Just look at each of our salvation experiences. Same salvation, but oh such different circumstances. All of that said, I want to share my journey w/ you all.
The church I grew up in is very hard to explain. Even though it has a baptist name, it is very very different from the baptist church we all attend. God truly has taken me on a journey and only by His grace am I able to be so confident in my salvation as I am now. I was saved at 11 years old at a revival meeting on a Monday night in April 1982 around 9 in the evening. I remember this all so well, because I wrote it in the back of my Bible :) . I remember the peace, the love, the joy, the lifting of the burden of sin and didn't want to wash the dress I was wearing as it was a tangible reminder for me. I can remember crying out to God to save me and not let me go to hell (I was young, ok) and then feeling this intense peace and standing up from the altar w/ all these people around and just wanting to hug my mom. She told me my face was glowing. Now, by the next week, I was doubting if I truly was saved. In the church I grew up in, you didnt' just go to an altar one time and be saved. You had to go again and again, weep, wail, and "do" something. It was/is a "works" basis. So, all through my teen years, I had this lagging doubt in my mind. I was afraid to drive across the mile long bridge by Stockton and would pray all the way across. Satan was using fear to keep me from being secure in my salvation.
At 17 or so, I joined a church and of course the next step is baptism. My grandpa was a baptist minister, and I requested he baptise me. He was not the minister at the church we were going to and there was some animosity between the churches and members, some of which were also family (distant). The deacons and the pastor decided my grandpa could not baptise me, the current minister would have to, so either he was allowed to perform the baptism or my membership would be withdrawn. This caused a huge church split and my family dropped out of church for a time. This all happened the spring after my mom's accident and our whole family was in the grieving/questioning God mode. Her accident was a huge blow to all of us and totally changed our entire way of life, so for our own church to turn on us was yet another huge blow and really made me think God was out to get us.
I was dating Daniel at the time and when my parents would allow me to, I would attend Eudora w/ him. This was a totally different church than I was used to. The worship was reverant and real and lived every day. After Daniel and I were married, we went to Eudora. I had so much baggage from the churche's I grew up in that it has been years for me to undo all that was planted in my brain and taught as truth. Some was truth, but much wasn't. Anyway, I had always been taught baptism could only be real if done in a creek/river. Also, the hurt from the last joining of a church kept me from making that outward profession at Eudora. I was still doubting salvation and every time an altar call was made, I would pray the "sinners prayer" again. Life Action ministry came in 1994 or so and I remember soaking up all they were teaching. It was so different from all I knew. God was slowly undoing all I had been taught and I was basically learning what being a Christian was. It wasn't just a ticket to keep you from hell or fire insurance, it was a daily walk, a real life relationship w/ a real life Savior. Oh Praise You Jesus! I remember being at a marriage retreat a year or so later and still doubting my salvation. When an invitation was given, I immediately thought I have to settle this. I talked w/ someone and they pointed out my life was evidence of salvation already happening and encouraged me to read 1 John. I gobbled up the Word after that and began to feel more confident regarding salvation. I also knew it must be a LIFE change, a LIFE decision. At that point I rededicated my LIFE to Him. I had received salvation at 11, yet I had no clue what it meant to really live for Him. I am still learning that and it is a daily struggle to live a life pleasing to Him.
Now, back to baptism. I was 24 at the time and 6-7 months pregnant w/Chance (#2). I went into labor and found myself in the hospital on complete bed rest w/ oodles of medication that made me see double and being counseled about the danger of having a baby at 24-26 weeks. I was being given steroid shots to strenthen his lungs and we were looking at having a preemie baby w/ lots of health issues. My labor wasn't stopping and an amniocentesis was done to ck lung development. Now, talk about God getting your attention. I was stubborn and proud and there was no way I was going to go through the humiliation of walking to the front of a church for baptism and being refused by the leadership. Well, God was talking to me all this time I was flat on my back in the hospital. You find out really quick what you will do for your child. I remember one day feeling so horrible from the constant contractions (about a weeks worth now), the mag sulfate that made my vision blur so I couldnt' read or watch tv and being so lonely and really feeling alone, and God talking to me and telling me baptism was what I needed. I had salvation, but still was living how I wanted to live and not wanting to make that public profession. I made a deal w/ God that day. I would do whatever it took if only he would spare my baby. Public humiliation at that time seemed so menial. I was totally humbled, totally broken, and so tired of fighting the Holy Spirit for so many years. Isn't God good to keep after us until we finally submit to His will for our lives? That day when my doctor came with the results of the amnio and said lungs were developed and they were taking me off all meds and going to let me have the baby, I wasn't in the least worried. All meds were stopped and guess what....my labor stopped! He was in awe! I wasn't! I knew exactly who had stopped the labor. Then my labor had to be induced to get Chance into the world! God is good! I was baptised a few weeks after I had him. Now I know baptism doesn't save you, but in my life, it was the most important, crucial step to growing in Christ.
Since fully dedicating my life to Him, He has taken us down so many paths I would never have in my wildest dreams put myself into. Do I daily live for Him, totally dedicated to His will? Unfortunately, no! It is a daily struggle to not take my life off the altar and do what I want. Praise Him! He is good and He has a purpose for each of His children and will keep wooing us back to Him. Sometimes the way He has to get our attention isn't pleasant, and I'm not saying all bad things that happen are chastisement and Him trying to get our attention. By no means is He that sort of God (another lie I've had to learn to overcome). But in my case, I know what I went through was only for Him to get glory in my life and in Chance's. I can't wait to see how He is going to work in Chance's life. This child has been spared from early on and many times since. This is the one who fractured his skull at 8 y/o w/ no ill effects. God is good! Keep hanging on to what you know to be Truth, Jesus Christ!